“Everybody was happily celebrating their Chris friend. They bought gifts for each other, complemented them, And just were their jolly selves. But a nagging sense of despondence kept me wondering. Do I even have any true friends? It was like I didn’t matter anymore. This has been occurring quite often. Most of them would only text me or talk to me if they are in need of some help. Otherwise, I do not exist for them” this is how my brain keeps narrating a tale to me.
But I am cool with that, my ultra-introverted self can survive when I am alone. But it is not a good feeling… The more I work, the more risks I take, and I am becoming lonelier. It is like my vision is not compatible with the others around me. Right after my dad passed away something snapped inside my head. I promised I would never trust people because everyone is going to leave. Of course, as a kid this made sense. But as college came along, this nagged me a lot. Even though I had friends the doomsday expectation lingered on. Eventually, this came true, as my one-sided love for a girl turned out to be devastating. This once again made me shut myself out from others more. I knew trusting or hoping will only come crashing along. This too happened. In my master’s, I thought I was in love, with a very unlikely girl, in fact, I am still in love with her, but I am completely helpless now. How did this relationship turn out? Terrible. If from the beginning she rejected me then it wouldn’t have mattered. She did like me, then proceeded to hate me more than all the people on planet earth. That I have been enduring this pain for over 8 years now. By this time I knew I was not likely to be liked by girls. (I would be of help to them from an examination point of view, but romance and love were directly thrown into the friend zone without further embarrassment.)
I feel that they would assume that I would be a boring bloke which I am not. But then I have been building a complex due to this. I am very likely to fall into depression when it comes to people. But I am aware of these thoughts running in my head. Writing clarifies how I really feel. Writing poetry make me come out of depression. I want to express, that this is the way to come out of the mental rut. So how to deal with depression
- Be aware of triggers that cause depression
- Accept reality
- Share with others or express your anguish in some way
- If nothing works then get help from a mental health professional.