Monday Musings- Messed up

How many of us take our time and life seriously? If we think about it, time is limited, and the world is moving at a frantic pace. But do we really need to keep up with things? Do we really need to act and live the way the world dictates? This world is a beautiful place, but we have lost ourselves in the pursuit of illusionary things so that we hardly look at the things around us. I am appalled at myself for being in the rat race. I dropped out of engineering so I could pursue literature, but now what am I doing? I am doing things that I am really not happy about. I hardly write, nor do I enjoy reading books for pleasure. It has become a monotonous way of leading a life.

This is saddening, nonetheless. What am I supposed to do? Ironically, I know what to do. I have already read about all the ways to be enlightened, but I am too scared to take a leap of faith. I cannot expect the outside world to change, but I must change myself. I know that too, and how to go about it is a difficult question. I try to break atomic habits. I try to 10 X leaps, but not for long. Motivation dwindles, work comes in the way, responsibility calls.

The problem I find myself having is probably a spiritual one. The core of peace is missing. Other things don’t matter if I am not aligned with my spiritual self. When I was a boy, I prayed alone and felt a connection with God. I really wanted to pray, but now it has become a tradition. So I mumble some words, so I don’t feel guilty. For some time now, I have noticed this. The problem is always spiritual. If I can get my own agenda aside and let God lead me, it is far easier. But my nave self is selfish and bigoted enough to let him lead me.

Well, I need to change things around. I might probably find more peace and be productive this week.